cathedral of catharsis

all i can manage to push from my lips is a stream of absurdity

you know who i like (even though i don't often agree with her)? Amy.

you know who should not be allowed to write anymore? Emily.

c'mon, " haven't been in the public consciousness so much since for the past five years"?

Oh, and i know ya'll hate the president and all, and thats fine, but you really think you can get away with blaming him (scroll to the bottom) for the continued lack of progress and ground zero? i now you insist on living in this world where new yorkers can do no wrong...but let the city take some blame for it's own messes.

Shitcanned (Damn The Man!)

got laid....off. i have no ones phone number cause they were all in my cell which belonged to work.

send jobs, money, and buffalo wings.

NPR and PBS are not only biased and not really "public" in any real sense, but also started basically doing commercials years ago, which means that they are not technically "not for profit" anymore. NPR will privatize and be the exact same fucking station it is now, you'll just hear more, "brought to you buy..." but that's about it.

If it's public, let the public fund it, otherwise it's government radio, isn't it?

Plus which, NPR sucks.

We are Unitarian Jihad.

Startling new underground group spreads lack of panic! Citizens declare themselves "relatively unafraid" of threats of undeclared rationality. People can still go to France, terrorist leader says.

Link

Listen, You do something for ME

You four, you know some artsy people, right. I know you do, shut up. No, YOU shut up.

I banged out a pretty funny script for the Badseed thing and...wait, back up. Kyle, right, Kyle wants to try this thing, not animation but MOTION, it's a little different, the images move, kinda, they shift, but it's not traditional animation. MOTION, it's getting out there. Tom Goes To The Mayor on Adult Swim is a good example of motion, though not funny in the least. Those bumps between shows on The N (Canadian teen melo-drama REPRESENT!) those are an example as well.

So, Kyle wants to try this, see what we can do. So, I take some characters that Jose and I created and write a funny little script. Jose, he was supposed to draw it....did some preliminary sketches, quite good, but....but the Dark Jose has decended once again and Jose says in no uncertain term, "I will draw no more for you.", which wasn't really "for me" at all, you know, it's a group effort (like the Wolverines taking the hills, C. Thomas Howell couldn't have done it alone. Even Patrick Swayze wasn't yet ready (post Roadhouse he wouldn't have needed help, just the wisdom of a blind guitar player) I digress))

Do any of you know an artist you might want to pitch this to? I can e-mail the script. The thing about Motion vs. Animation is that the artist does much less work. Like five or eight sketches per character and some pull backs, it's all negotiable, we're all learning as we go. The last time I tried to find an artist for a project on craigslist I ended up looking at some crappy, crappy art. This can be really stylized, too. So, think about the drawerers you know and if any of them might want to contribute to a project like this. You know, the kind that could potentialy be lucrative?

Ok, now. Go. What are you waiting for?

The Stations Of St. Patricks

First Station: St. Patrick did imbibe much green beer.
Second Station: St. Patrick did become quite loud and jovial.
Third Station: St. Patrick did become increasingly charming.
Fourth Station: St. Patrick did projectile vomit (thus driving the snakes out of Ireland).
Fifth Station: St. Patrick did fall down (falling down in one’s own vomit is optional. (Only for the hard-core faithful. Like the Catholics that flagellate themselves).
Sixth Station: St. Patrick did pass the fuck out.
Seventh Station: St. Patrick did have trouble walking the next day. And his head hurt. A lot.

(with thanks to Josh)

all work and no play

the play? no, not gonna happen. we just couldn't find a cast. 8 hours of auditions and we just didn't see anyone who could do the job.

"i know he can get the job, can he do the job? i'm not arguing with you about that."

we're all quite dissapointed. well, i assume kyle is, although he immediatly pitched having me (and i assume jose) produce his next film instead, but i think that's more about him wanting the money.

so, if anyone has any good ideas about leaving DC in a few months, job leads or the like, please send them along. this is really starting to blow.

The single most incredible thing the internet has ever done.

Yeknom Industries

you may all go home now

It doesn't seem possible

You're sure I never told you the story of that time I was working in the restaurant in Richmond and the car drove into the dining room?

About how it crashed through the glass front and I was up front making sandwiches and all I thought as it drove across the floor and into the counter where Paul was taking orders was, "Well, that certainly can not be happening."

How I shoved Noel, who was standing next to me, behind me into the corner cause I thought the car was coming right into the kitchen, but the car got caught up on the counter and the old woman wouldn't let up off the gas so the tires spun and spun, burning into the tiles and filling the whole place with smoke which all the sudden made everything real and I began to worry about fire.

How the fire idea made me then rush to the back and open the back door, turn on the floor fan, and turn off all the burners and the oven?

How I then ran back up front thinking I'd find Paul snapped in twain by the counter. He had vaulted over it at the last second, apparently his first impulse was to just put his hand on the counter to stop it. It took a second for him to realize that wouldn't work. Paul wasn't trapped but the fellow who ran the seafood shop down the way was, he was standing at the end of the counter, talking, and then there he was trapped by the drink racks that had been smushed into the corner with him. He had been hard to see in all the smoke. I started pulling racks apart and finally got him loose, handed him off to someone else. His leg was broken.

Just ten minutes before the accident we had had a line out the door. Just ten minutes earlier and that woman would have hit and probably killed at least five people. As it was the broken leg was the worst injury, all the others were scrapes and bruises.

The old woman driving the car, she didn't even get her license suspended, which pissed me off. How do you drive over a curb and all the way into someones business? I realized, the reason her foot took so long to come off the gas pedal, she was probably thinking something like, "Well, this certainly can't be happening."

No.

I will not stand idly by and watch "netflix" become a verb. This shit has got to stop somewhere and, listen America, if I hear one more of you say you "netflixed" a film, there's no dessert for the whole country.

my level of stress has reached the point where it's actualy a little funny, except for the bleeding, which i'm apparently not supposed to joke about. deciding to become productive during the busiest time of year at work was, shall we say, ill advised. but, but i have a secret (it's not much of a secret). i have become a junkie, i am addicted and it's all josh's fault cause when k&k moved out he got the fake tivo thing cause it was cheap (and it was) and now at least twice a week i eat chicken and spend a minimum of two hours in stars hollow. thats right, i am a  gilmore girls addict. what? it's clever and i can become absorbed to the point that my ever racing brain just shuts down. which is, i understand, why many people smoke those marijuana cigarettes. it has also cut down on the going out which cuts down on the drinking, so i say, you know, viva la josh (like he needs his ego stroked). this reads like a livejournal post, doesn't it? good, thats what i was going for. i should prolly lol now, and maybe say i'll ttyl, even though i prolly won't.

From an e-mail

You fucking government employees, sleeping in and not doing anything and hanging out with a friend from out of town and especially not having to deal with all the wealthy asshole tourist fuckers who are here today to celebrate this assmunch getting another four years with no consequences to screw things up. People in suits and gowns and furs at 8:30 in the morning standing around like dachshunds looking at the metro card machines completely flummoxed and no I’m not here to help you figure out a machine that was designed for use by people with IQ’s of 80, some of us have jobs which are in danger cause this buttmunch makes middle America, who isn’t even in danger and never was, feel safe and connected to whoever this “God” person he talks with regularly is.

I think that should go up on my stupid blog.

Not for Lack of Trying

i have no insight, none. What I have (what is the deal with this font?) is this link to a kids essay that made me laugh so hard.....oh, did I laugh.

blood blood blood

There’s an appetite suppressant patch, a nicotine patch, a birth control patch, the list goes on and on.

And yet.

And yet.

No bacon patch?

Where’s the 6 hours of bacon streaming right into my blood stream, huh?

Screw you modern science.

Didi I tell you I keep dreaming about being held hostage?

Well, I do.

Uncanny X-Mas

I suppose anyone who didn't grow up here wouldn't be familiar, but those of us who did know. Personaly, it takes me by suprise every year, this god awful song, "Christmas Eve In Washington".  I suppose every year from January to October I block out the songs existance like childhood abuse. But inevitably come December I'm somewhere buying someting and there it is. This isn't clever, I just wanted to complain.